My name is Wanda Jackson, and I am surviving my son's suicide one minute, one hour and one day at a time. This tragedy has turned my family's world upside down. Our lives will never be the same.
On August 26, 2008, after I found my son, Kevin dead, I thought I would lose my mind. I couldn't believe my son had taken his life because he had so much to live for.
I remember panicking because I was home alone, and the shock of finding him dead immediately sent me into a state of disbelief.
During that unforgettable tragic day, I remember holding my son's lifeless body in my arms after trying to apply CPR, and then begging God to let him live, but I knew in my heart that he was already dead.
I screamed and screamed, until I couldn't scream any more. I went into a deeper state of shock after realizing that he was really dead. I felt numb, almost as though I was in a dream like state.
Before I knew it my living room was suddenly filled with police, emergency medical technicians, and people everywhere. I saw the tear stained faces of my family members, friends, and my son's friends who had sad and painful looks of disbelief. When I heard the sounds of people wailing and I saw them crying I knew this had to be real.
During this time I was experiencing so many different emotions.
At one point I remember looking around wondering why everyone was gathered at my house. I kept telling myself that this had to be a nightmare because Kevin can't be really dead. I wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare and for everyone to be gone, and most importantly, I wanted God to give my precious son back to my family and me.
I remember there was a short time when I couldn't cry anymore because I was still trying to convince myself that this was a horrible nightmare that I was having, but then, after awhile reality hit me again, and I started screaming and crying while thanking and praising God.
Honestly, If it had not been for God my husband or I would not be standing today because we could have truly lost our minds. God has held my family together, and when we could no longer stand on our own, it was God who carried us, and He is still carrying us through our grief today. I truly thank Him for never leaving or forsaking us.
Approximately 30 years earlier, on October 13, 1977, I remember giving birth to an 8lb, 7.5oz beautiful baby boy. I held my precious gift of life in my arms, and his dad and I proudly named our son, Kevin A. Jackson.
I never would have thought in a million years that 30 years later that we would be burying our precious little bundle of joy.
However, life had dealt me a hand I was not ready to play or accept, but I had no choice because God gives life and only God can take it away.
On that tragic day my son Kevin left his priceless and loving memories to cherish to his two beautiful children, a mother, a father, one beautiful sister, a nephew, two grandmothers, aunts, uncles, and a host of cousins and friends, who all loved and will continue to love and miss him forever!!! If love could have kept Kevin alive he would still be here today because all that love could do was done.
After my son transitioned I knew immediately that I wanted to help save lives so that no other parent, family member, or friend would have to feel this indescribable pain of losing a love one to suicide.
On March 4, 2010, Kevin's Cause Nonprofit Organization was created and birthed from the heart with the help of God, family, friends and members of the community in order to save one life at a time and bring comfort to suicide survivors who have already lost loved ones to this painful tragedy.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We want everyone to know that there is hope and help waiting for those in need.
*Created in Loving Memory
of Kevin A. Jackson*
